100-word Extracts

I am trying to choose 100-word excerpts from my books for a web page. Unfortunately, I am long-winded, and all of my good excerpts are around 150 words. I have posted what I came up with so far. I would appreciate any opinons on whether any resonate. The point of the excerpt isn’t to provide insight into the book; merely to show that I can write.

1 – Awakening: From the black night, past the mewling young, shone a pair of amber eyes. The shepherd boy arose, wary, and pulled the hooded cloak tighter. Near-frozen droplets of perspiration splattered against his black high-top sneakers, and he began to run toward the eyes. His mind raced against his decision; logic screamed to turn away, to abandon this meaningless herd to the angry darkness. They were but sheep, and of no usefulness.

But there was another voice – more compassionate, roaring in his mind, saying, “Your master loves his sheep, or he would not have so many.”

2 – Awakening: When all around him was stillness, darkness, and silence, Charlie carried with him the words of his dear friend Jannet, who was insight and enlightenment. He held in his young heart his cherished Robin who was unquestioned loyalty and love. Charlie cried into the darkness surrounding him: “I know who you are darkness. I know your tricks. I’ve seen you hide behind little girl dragons, and in little pink skirts like the Klan wears. But guess what? I’m not afraid of you – not anymore. My name is Charlie, I’m a Tettleton, and I’m bringing the light.”

3 – Awakening: “Run Jannet!” Charlie felt foolish as soon as the words left his lips. She had been running before the predator began its pursuit. “It’s a raptor,” he added, as if knowing its name would somehow save her.

Its large head ended in the curved beak of an eagle and powerful jaws that could easily chew through bone. As it neared Jannet, it began snapping its beak, exposing protrusions that looked like a row of sharp teeth. It was a flightless creature, and although it had wings, they ended not in flight feathers, but in curved talons with six-inch claws.

4 – Awakening: Charlie looked into the next train car, and could see a hooded figure who appeared to be walking backward in his direction. He couldn’t see the lower half of the figure, but the upper half was sufficient to convince him to jump from the train. The demons began to grab at him, and Charlie climbed over the seat to escape them. A foul-breathed chimera grabbed the back of Charlie’s hair, and pulled. A second beast, made entirely of scaly flesh and open, sharp-toothed mouths, grabbed one arm and prepared to devour him alive.

5 – Discovery: Standing, he strained to see what halted the bus, but it was too dark, and the fog surrounding the bus obscured his view. Charlie sat, slid along the seat, and craned his neck through the open window. The air was crisp, cool, and smelled of wet wool. There were no sheep, but rather an immense flock of small children slowly crossing the wide highway. They were moaning, and their cries echoed in the morning stillness like the bleating of a hundred sheep. Tall, slim, shepherds in hooded cloaks followed the flock.

6 – Emprise: As the two teens watched in horror, a demon with black marbled skin grabbed both arms of a young woman, and tore her limb from limb while her family screamed. Thankfully, the walls and window were thick and only the thumping of some drum-centered music could be heard. Behind them, the firestorm had changed back to a raging flood from the sky. Wordlessly, Charlie ushered Robin aside and grabbed the door handle. He meant to charge inside, come hell or high water.

Go Charlie, it’s your birthday,” sang the voice in Robin’s head. She made no attempt to stifle it.

7 – Emprise: She wore a diaphanous white scarf that streamed behind her in the warm wind as though she were a perfect, ivory kite with a gossamer tail. Charlie walked behind her, trailing by ten feet, fifteen, thirty. With each foot of separation, the scarf grew, unfurling from Gabrielle’s neck until it formed an unlikely sail behind her forty feet long. Charlie, as did the two females behind him, wore deep, almost opaque sunglasses. The sunlight refracted from the glass beads of sand shimmered in a blinding kaleidoscope. The light danced against Gabrielle’s white outfit, making it seem alive with color.


  1. amysomday says:

    I LOVE 2 and 7!!! And yes Dear One… You can definitely write, and very well I might add !!!

    1. Thank you Amy. The odd thing is that most of we writers cannot tell. Most writers like their own writing (sometimes) but that is not at all the same thing as its being good. Only if it resonates to others is it good.

      I went with #7, because I thought that was the best short example of my descriptions. I’ve been told by readers either they like the way I paint visual descriptions, or because something in the writing reminds them of events in their life. I think while the former I can take credit for, the latter has more to do with the reader than it does with me.

      1. amysomday says:

        There are a few things you have written that have rung close to me, but the ones that did….were eerily close.
        Your vivid detail intrigues me, and challenges me to incorporate words I think rarely about using.

        You know my lack of eagerness when it comes to reading but when I first picked up Discovery I felt differently…It was like you sat me down and got comfy on the sofa across from me and started telling me the tale with enthusiasm. I had yet to read anything that felt that intimate from a writer.

        Most everything I have ever read have felt fairly clinical, written from a formula. You allow yourself to tangent in your writing as do people in conversation, but are very good at snapping back from digression.

        As for writers liking their own work… I have very little of my own that i like… I just find it very cathartic!
        I tend to like the lens better than they keyboard 🙂

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