Life, on Twitter


A poem comprising real-life tweets. Because Twitter is real life.

I just took a life-changing shower,
while making homemade matzoh ball soup
that I may enjoy the little things,
since, man, I needed that shit bad!

I’ve been an asshole my entire life, thought
I could wash it away, then, again
why stop now? I look at my life
through the windshield
not the rear-view mirror.

All I wanted was a happy ending,
a better life. So why am I watching
Fred the movie? What has my life come to?

“I hate when you’re nice to the weird kid,”
she said, “then BOOM – stalked for life!”
So I sucked up my pride and pocketed it.
I would much rather have her
as a friend, than nothing.

Dying would make everyone’s life easier.
Nothing drains the life from me
like enforced socializing with relatives, and
I really hate when people speak
that positivity shit.

I can’t imagine
sex without her.
My Sexophone.

Just stay with me.
smfh. Haters need to get a life.


  1. Mary Quallo says:

    You’re right, you can’t make this stuff up. I’m on Twitter, but I don’t really know why. I rarely tweet but I retweet a lot. Guess I can’t imagine why people I don’t know would want to read about my mundane life. Keep writing Bill, I’m still reading. Mary

    1. The only reason for being on Twitter is boredom, which is why I’m there. I guess it has voyeuristic appeal. I don’t know why people watch reality TV.

  2. Mary Quallo says:

    I don’t know why people watch reality TV either, especially since there is not much on TV that is real. Keep writing Bill, I’m still reading. Mary

  3. Kim @ LiaH says:

    Yep, that about sums it up dude. Loved it!

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