10 Big Thoughts

I believe we writers have a gift. Or tumors. See, sometimes I am complimented on my “way with words.” I truly appreciate the kindness, but the truth is that I kind of write like I talk.

Well, not like I talk to everyone. I told this to a friend once, and he said, “You never talk to me like that,” with “that” meaning poetically.

My reply was, “No, but I don’t speak Spanish to people who only speak French either.” He didn’t get it, proving my point.

But, digression aside, I think it’s not so much having a way with words, or characters, stories, or stray thoughts; it’s that we lack the capacity to keep them in. They kind of spill out. As I begin writing every day, I’m finding these aberrant thoughts increase in frequency. Fortunately (in the way the existence of police records is fortunate) there is social media to provide a record of my deviations. Here is a sampling of my recent wonderments. What is disconcerting is that most of these, I actually wanted to know the answer.

1. I’m confused; how can a thing that sucks also blow? Seems that would defy the laws of physics.
2. If I could grow a boob tree, I’d have guys paying me to be able to pick the fruit.
3. I’m listening to the Cranberries. Will that prevent a urinary tract infection?
4. If I whale a whale will it produce a wail and a wale? (I almost made this a poem, because it was a thing for about 15 minutes.)
5. Do you think rainbows smell more red or purple? Lilac or roses? (A guy told me it was strawberry, but I think he was just synesthetic, so I ignored him.)
6. Dear book, after several attempts, I have not fallen in love with you. Do you think it’s me, because I’m thinking, maybe, you suck. (I know the answer was further in the book, but isn’t that just a trap?)
7. You can get therapy for low self-esteem. But what do you do if your low self-esteem is due to needing therapy?
8. Should I be worried that all of the qualities that got me in trouble in school are the things people compliment in my art?
9. If you think I’m funniest when I’m in a pissy mood, and my most nurturing when I really just want you to cheer up and fuck off, do I have the problem, or do you?
10. Why are you still reading this? It’s because I put the number 10 in the title isn’t it? If I’d said, “Big Thoughts,” you’d have stopped at number 5 or something. How long have you been powerless in the face of numbers?

Perhaps I will get the answers through writing. I don’t have the patience for therapy. Somebody take my Twitter away before I hurt myself with it. By the way, you probably want to stay away from my Twitter stream. Here’s my big 11,000th tweet:

I’m @billjonesjr if you’re a masochist.


  1. ROFL I love your brain, Bill! 🙂 I’ve wondered some similar stuff – it must be a writer thing.

    1. Or, you could have tumors.

  2. Bill, I think everyone has strange thoughts from time to time. It’s just that not all of us will admit to it. For instance, for some time now, I have been wondering… who decided red means stop and green means go? Why not orange and purple, or lilac and puce? I haven’t been able to find the answer to this question, although every time a doctor asks me if I have any questions, I ask him/her this question. They don’t know either. Seems to me a waste of time and money to have as much schooling as a doctor has if they can’t answer a simple question. Keep thinking Bill, I like the way your mind works. Also, keep writing, I’m still reading. Mary

    1. This proves, Mary darling, you need to start writing again. If you don’t write the questions, how will anyone write the answers?

      For instance, pink used to be for boys and blue was considered feminine. Why did they switch? Was this some gay initiative? And why is purple so gay now?

  3. Oh how I would love to spend an afternoon with you. Just asking the questions that no one else would be brave enough to ask. I’ll bet we would have a great time and who knows perhaps learn something along the way. I’m not sure about the pink/blue switch, but I think Prince (or whatever he’s calling himself these days) may have had something to do with the purple thing. I could be wrong. I have been before and will be again I’m sure. Keep writing Bill, I’m still reading. Mary

    1. 🙂 That would be nice.

  4. Eagle Tech says:

    I’ve often wondered why we park on a driveway, and drive on a parkway. Seems people weren’t really thinking that one through. And I think rainbows smell more green than anything. They are verdant, like a forest.

    1. Ah, a middle-of-the-rainbow kind of guy.

      1. Eagle Tech says:

        Yeah, It’s nicer in the middle. All green and all, and you’re much less likely to fall off.

  5. Carissa says:

    #6 – I give the writer a page and a half to grab me. Otherwise, the book goes back on the shelf. Life is too short. You want me? Sink that hook in right away.

    1. Carissa, that makes sense and is good to remember. First chapters are harder than all the others put together, in my opinion.

      1. Carissa says:

        The Chapter 2 of Hard as Roxx you posted reads like a first chapter to me. Of course, I don’t know what came before, but it feels like an introduction and it popped me right into the story. I was intrigued and very much want to read more.

      2. Carissa says:

        Hmmm…I thought I was already following this blog, but the little “follow” button told me I wasn’t. Remedied.

        1. Thanks for following and for the feedback. I like Chapter 2 better than Chapter 1. I got too much input on the 1st chapter, and I think I stuck in too much narrative. Now I almost want to start it at 2. 🙂

  6. gpicone says:

    Great thoughts! Keep thinking!

    1. Thanks! I try to think once per week, whether I need to or not. 🙂

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