1. Wag more. Bark less.
2. You will live longer in a pack than you will alone.
3. Every pack needs an alpha. See if it’s you.
4. They secretly like it when you lick them.
5. Not all females are bitches. In fact, most are not.
6. Wild dogs cannot be tamed; they can, however, be housebroken.
7. Always greet your pack like you just fell in love.
8. Say goodbye like you’ll never see them again.
9. Sometimes it’s good to be a bad dog.
10. When they hit the right spot – just there – don’t be afraid to shake your leg a bit.
11. If you don’t know what it is, piss on it.
12. Mark your territory.
13. Big dogs don’t threaten, they just bite.
14. If you don’t know how to cuddle, expect to sleep alone.
15. Girls won’t kiss you if your breath stinks.
16. When bad things happen, forget about it quickly, and then wag your tail.
17. Sex is good; there is no need to be ashamed.
18. Just because she’s running from you doesn’t mean she wants you to chase her.
19. Size matters, but leadership comes from the heart.
20. A little bit of petting goes a long way.
21. Eat. Sleep. Play. Wag. Life is simple.